i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
