I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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