the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
