and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
