The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
These tits shall not be calmed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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