I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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