So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
