so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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