i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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