Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
