Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
