I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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