i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize