i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
