What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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