He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
