plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
