i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
