I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
