one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
