I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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