I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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