it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
