wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so let's talk penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
