those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
