So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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