I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
