I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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