Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
