I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
