Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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