he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
