You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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