I wish my penis had an off switch
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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