i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
