I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
