He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She bit a glass in half.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So much rum. So many feels.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
