I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
