Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
