Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
