i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize