i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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