he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
