we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
