A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
