fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
