i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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