Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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