I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
