I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
