You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
