I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
