dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
