She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
