I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
