Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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