Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Found your dick twin last night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
