I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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