I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
