I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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