Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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