When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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