I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
there's paper in my vomit.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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