how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Randomize
