so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
