At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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